Say No to Mistletoe: Create Your Own Custom!

Quickly approaching amongst the smell of fresh-cut pine trees, candy cane, and festive treats, is the chance for you and your family to clear your minds of all things Christmas. How about creating your own tradition this year? No longer do we have to be bogged down by the lie of Santa’s rooftop escapades or by trying to give the gift that keeps on giving. Finally we can take this holiday season by the reigns and bring it to a halt. Say it with me now: "From now on I decide what tradition means to me."

As far-fetched as this idea may sound, it is grounded in that same since of self-determination that our ancestors have always inspired (think Kwanzaa and Juneteenth). So this year before we re-introduce the custom of trimming the tree and decking the halls to our children, let us at least begin by asking ourselves two very important questions. Where did these traditions come from and why have I decided to keep them going? Oh and a third which is really a biggie: Do these activities have any deeper meaning to my family, or am I merely recreating a conditioned tradition?

Upon answering these questions – which may probably arise others – I had to grab a pen and paper to take the next step in challenging the societal norm. Across the top of my page I wrote: "Creating my own family legacy. Celebrating this legacy by way of an annual tradition." But before I could go any further, I needed to start by finding out what a tradition actually is. Feel free to either jot down the following definition or find one of your own, but according to Websters New Pocket Dictionary (an excellent stocking stuffer for those who decide not to take the new route) tradition is:

traqdiqtion n.

The passing down of elements of a culture from generation to generation, especially by oral communication.

a. A mode of thought or behavior followed by a people continuously from generation to generation; a custom or usage.

b. A set of such customs and usages viewed as a coherent body of precedents influencing the present: followed family tradition in dress and manners.

Well since, as before mentioned, some of the customs that have been passed down to us lost significant value in the shuffle, we can concentrate more on what we’ll be sending to our future generations. To begin I decided it would be a good idea to establish a date. I knew that during this process I would have to pay close attention to what makes this number significant, what day of the week the next one will fall on, and if the entire family would be able to participate. Then I realized that I didn't have to stop there. Since it is our tradition it can happen once a year, every month, or every six months if we choose. Then once our families have decided upon a date or dates, the next step is to decide what deserves to be celebrated. Some examples are the Jackson Family Legacy Day, Get Involved in the Community Day, Pay Homage to the Ancestors Day, etc. Regardless of what your family comes up with, remember that the true value is in what it symbolizes and how future generations of your family will be able to use this holiday to better understand their value in society.

(Feel free to take the next couple of minutes to brainstorm a couple of ideas before you continue.)

Once the groundwork for my family’s celebration was laid, everyone could start adding activities that they thought expressed the meaning of the day. For instance if your family started Pay Homage Day you could arrange for everyone in your family to find a picture of one of your ancestors and create a handmade frame for it, or write a poem that tells about that person, or cook their favorite dish for dinner. Just keep in mind that there are thousands of ideas to choose from; the brainstorming will be an interesting part of the overall tradition.

Okay since I’m sure your notepad is filled with ideas on how to bring this to life in your family, take a couple of more minutes to continue letting those creative juices flow. When you are finished, decide on a clever way to introduce this idea to the rest of the family. Though it may take a while for everyone to catch on, try to reiterate the seriousness of what you are challenging them to do. When the date for your event rolls around hold it in the same (if not higher) reverence that you would any other holiday. And there you have it, the first steps to taking your family’s destiny in a direction that generations to come will learn to love and cherish.

Jeannine Cook is a freelance writer based in New Jersey.