Not Yet a Man

Not Yet a Man
By Jaqueline Douge

Your son enters the world cute and cuddly. You realize that your journey as a parent has just begun. You probably think to yourself as you hold your miracle, “What am I going to do now?”

As a mom or dad you may be thinking about your son being the next football star or soccer star. You tell yourself, “I can teach him how to throw, run and kick.” Then, one day, your little man is not so little. You also notice he starts calling you mom or dad instead of with the little baby voice saying mommy or daddy. You notice he is growing out of his pants and those new sneakers that were just bought last week. His voice is deepening and he wants to shave. You ask yourself, “When did all this start and when will it stop?”

The television images of black men are not always flattering. They can be destructive, emasculating and scary. So few images of black men are shown as senators, presidents or fathers. There is only one month to cram in all of black history and affirm your son’s identity. There is hope. However, there is hope with knowledge. The knowledge will make one a little more confident and prepared for teaching your sons to become men.

Young men need to have varied images of themselves. As a parent, part of the responsibility is to help young men decipher these images and determine for themselves what image they want to portray. Young men should and must learn their history. Images should not be viewed from only one source such as the media. They should be exposed to art and literature as well as family and friends. They should have role models that are in their daily lives. Many young black men do not have their fathers at home, but if possible, their mothers should help to identify positive peers and role models for their sons. Fathers should also be given this responsibility. As parents, we are not always available for our children, therefore family, biological or extended, must work to help create a community to nurture young men.

Part of helping young men is to teach them that their body will go through changes as they become adults.

Puberty
This is a time of physiological and psychological changes for young men. Most young men start puberty around 10 years of age. They will go through many emotions while going through puberty. As parents you must help guide them and be there to answer questions and have discussions.

For a young man, puberty will lead to deepening of the voice, enlargement of the testicles and penis. Young men grow taller and experience body hair and body odors. This is a time to take your son to see his family doctor or pediatrician. Your doctor can help you talk with your son about his body changes. In medicine, the stages of puberty are called Tanner Staging. This staging provides a guideline for the changes of the body and pubic area during puberty.

The changes that your son will go through are due to hormones. The brain produces hormones that are messengers that travel to the testes. The testes produce another hormone called testosterone that begins the process of manhood.

Ideally parents should be encouraged to start the discussion of puberty before the main body changes occur. Parents can start by using proper names for body parts instead of nicknames.

Jacqueline Douge has been a board-certified pediatrician for about 5 years and practices in New Jersey. She is also a second-year Masters of Public Health candidate at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Her interests are in adolescent health, health disparities and health policy. She is a wife and mother of two sons, aged 6 and 3 years old.