Building a Better World, One Pair of Socks at a Time
By Kristine Berggren

In addition to the basics—keeping kids safe, fed, clothed, educated and entertained—most parents try to nurture children to become independent and responsible community members. If parents expect kids to pitch in with household work, they instill good values about work and responsibility. In fact, maybe letting your toddler make a sandwich or fold socks is the first building block of a better world.

Creating a family life in which children learn to care for self and surroundings often takes extra time, planning and patience. Start young. Surprisingly, even toddlers and preschoolers enjoy being asked to help out with small tasks. To foster a very young child’s independence, think kid-scale. For example, you might install hooks for outerwear, storage cubbies and mirrors at your child’s level (or at least provide an easily movable stool). You could also buy pint-size but functional tools like mops, brooms and gardening equipment.

Breaking down tasks into small parts is key. For example, ask your child to concentrate on the sink and the toilet bowl while you tend to the tub and the mirror. Be ready to explain and model how to do the job right—and keep your expectations reasonable.

After you’ve taught your child how to do various self-care and household tasks, let him or her do as much as possible independently. Encourage your child to ask for help if necessary. But if your child misses a blob of jelly on the table or buttons a shirt lopsided, so what? He or she is probably very proud of the accomplishment, and hasty criticism from beloved mom or dad might cause shame or even anger. Small successes—however imperfect—breed confidence.

Make housework a whole-family activity. Some families set aside a couple of hours, often on weekends, for cleaning together. Others make job charts stating each member’s responsibility and tasks are rotated weekly or monthly. And the Seven Dwarves had one thing right—if you whistle (or listen to tunes) while you work, everyone’s more cheerful about doing chores.

Older children may begin to balk at helping with chores or cleaning their rooms. But holding them to expectations sends the message that their participation is valuable and necessary. Offering an allowance—whether connected to household chores or not— helps them understand budgeting and delayed gratification (if I buy the ice cream cone now it will take me longer to save for the computer game I have my eye on). Managing their own money grooms realistic consumers and instills financial responsibility. This is especially important when children are expected to save a portion for college or charitable donations.

Discussions about independence between older teenagers and their parents may include more complex topics like dating, driving, curfews or college visits. Many parents continue to link privilege with responsibility. For instance, using the family car might depend on getting good grades or chipping in for car insurance.

Age-appropriate chores:

2 to 4 Years

• Throw things in trash
• Pick up and put away toys with help
• Wipe up spills
• Put dirty clothes in hamper
• Hang clothes on hooks
• Pour from small pitcher kept on low shelf in refrigerator
• Hand dishes from dishwasher to parent
• Help set and clear table

4 to 6 Years

• Do above tasks
• Help fold clean clothes
• Set out clothes, backpack, and so on for next day
• Water houseplants
• Help wash dishes
• Fix bowl of cereal
• Help put away groceries
• Sort recycling
• Help prepare meals, peel vegetables
• Help with pet care and feeding

6 to 8 Years

• Do above tasks
• Sweep floors
• Help make and pack lunch
• Help with yard work
• Pour own drinks
• Answer phone
• Bathe in tub filled by parent
• Help with grocery shopping
• Wash, dry, and put away dishes without help
• Fill and empty dishwasher
• Make own snacks

8 to 10 Years

• Do above tasks
• Sew buttons
• Cook simple food (such as toast)
• Pack suitcase

10 to 12 Years

• Do above tasks
• Prepare simple meals or box mixes
• Use washer and dryer with help
• Straighten rooms
• Clean bathroom
• Wash car
• Iron clothes
• Baby-sit younger siblings (with adult present)
• Mow lawn
• Have neighborhood job (such as pet care, yard work or paper route)
• Shovel snow

12 Years and Older

• Do above tasks
• Clean garage and basement
• Plan menus, prepare and serve meals
• Baby-sit younger siblings without adult present
• Change light bulbs
• Replace vacuum bag
• Clean refrigerator
• Make grocery list